Creating Peace

Pre-ladder and Rung 1

"Survival is not good enough when thriving is an option." - Emily

Today I was writing a list of groceries to pick up as I perused the pages of our Vegetarian Cooking Bible, when apparently my mind could no longer focus on the recipes and ingredients. After "sunflower oil" and "walnut oil," I turned over my scrap piece of paper and began to draw and write.

While I thought I had been thinking about food & cooking for the coming week, I was actually thinking of how completely changed my life suddenly is. Beginning tomorrow, I suddenly have a full-time salaried position - to be benefited come May, following a probationary 90-day period.

While drawing this ladder I feel I've just clambered another rung up, I jotted down some thoughts about what various times of my life have been like, that I decided I would like to share.

I would say that I was born into a lower-middle-class American family. While I was growing up, I was never able to have a dog, one of my fondest dreams, but I knew that someday I would save up enough money to live in a place of my own that would allow that dream to become a reality.

Now today I understand that there are millions of children - all over the world, yes, but even in America - whose fondest dreams are that one day, they won't be living in a war-ravaged town, in squalor in a refugee camp, or on the streets not knowing where their next meal will come from. Thanks to the incredible goodness and kindness of my family, friends, and even strangers, I have never worried where I would sleep one given night.

I have, however, experienced the following, which today I drew as the "base" on my paper. This is what life felt like before the ladder even appeared on my horizon:

Living paycheck to paycheck; depending on welfare from others; surviving; enduring cold, hunger, and unreliable transportation; accumulating debt; instability (financial and emotional)

I believe I began "climbing the ladder" by attending school. Because I had parents who not only knew the value of a k-12 education, but actually exuded a joy for life and learning that they passed on to their kids, and because I live in a country that makes a basic level of education affordable even for low-income families, I had the opportunity to learn to love to read and write.

I have kept a journal since I could write - and my mother & father kept one for me before I could read or write. Also, I have been a storyteller and make-believer since before I can remember. So, I was able to at least see that there was a ladder worth climbing from a pretty young age. I still grew up poor, but I grew up trying. This is my perception of how I tried to grab onto those first few rungs :

Studying; working at anything and everything to pay to survive; developing talents, skills, optimism, work ethic, resume, credentials, and relationships; helping others to give back for help received; bettering myself and my situations

Because of beginning at that base-line of poverty (though thankfully not in the sense of never having shelter or food) where there was no "extra" money for anything like extracurricular sports, private music lessons, or math tutoring, I wouldn't say I really grabbed a firm hold of the proverbial first rung of the ladder until I was about 17.

That summer, I started an office internship (through a Boys and Girls Club program my Mom heard about) at the Sandy Area Chamber of Commerce, which enabled me to quit my part-time bagging job at the Smith's in Draper. I used to leave that place feeling physically ill at the dumpsters-full of waste of absolutely edible food and perfectly usable goods (perhaps in damaged packaging?) thrown away daily. I had a difficult time respecting authority, or understanding why I should follow certain rules like staying at a check-stand to bag (or not to bag during a lull) for specified periods of time, when I could be fetching milk from the back of the store for elderly customers, or otherwise providing actual customer service.

Once I realized, from my 3 months at the Chamber, that I had the writing ability and confidence to interview businesspeople in the community for bulletin newsletter articles, and the patience to spend hours filing or making please-can-we-update-your-contact-information calls, I think I started to believe I could do something more meaningful for pay than retail work. I also began to be convinced that I would go to college.

I didn't care that my parents couldn't afford to send me to any college. I didn't care how long it might take me to complete a Bachelor Degree, or that I would have to work multiple low-paying part-time jobs just to afford the rent & food costs of living on my own (all while trying to find the time and energy to study to pass my classes). I was 18, finishing high school, applying for scholarships, and determined to live on my own and continue my studies.

I worked 39-hour weeks at the Sandy Office Max for three months following graduation, then packed up the Volvo station wagon my parents bought me for one or two hundred bucks, moved in with my grandparents two and a half hours away, and set about signing up for classes and turning in applications to every storefront/business I could find in the little towns of Spring City, Mt. Pleasant, Moroni, Fairview, Ephraim, and Manti.

In my efforts to study, work at anything and everything, develop skills, and start giving back I truly tried to better myself and my life during this time. But Holy Hannah was I young! Far younger than I realized.